She really is good, guys! And gals!

love

That’s a Ted Drewes reference, for those not from the Saint Louis area. ¬†ūüôā

Wow, so 2016, right?  Like, wow.  The year started innocently enough, and I guess I was under the illusion that we had our stuff together.  April 19th comes, and suddenly we are homeless.

The people who lifted us up and carried us through the first few weeks of not knowing and of pure fear were friends, mostly dance family. ¬†I had dropped all pride on the day of the fire, I called my mom and begged for help…on her answering machine. ¬†She did call back 6 hours later. ¬†Abe told her that we were settling¬†into a hotel and weren’t sure how long we were going to be out of the house. ¬†She hung up and never checked up on us in any way whatsoever. ¬†Over a month went by when she accidentally saw us out and about.

I was admittedly cold to her, but she didn’t pick it up. ¬†She listened and shook her head, and then blamed Abe for not telling her it was more serious. ¬†Excuse me? ¬†Basically she claimed ignorance, and once I updated her, she went straight to updating me on family drama, never mind that her daughter, son in law and grandchildren were living in a hotel, unsure of when they could get back home. ¬†It was unreal, so much that when she walked away, I laughed.

We ended up out of our home for seven long months.  And even at our lowest and scariest times, I found myself worrying about taking care of other people, of helping anyone I could, of staying present and hosting company and keeping up happy appearances when I was charred and dying a little inside.

But that’s what I do. ¬†I put everyone, and I do mean everyone above and beyond myself. ¬†I always have, since I was a child. ¬†There is not a mean, manipulative, petty bone in my body. ¬†I give too much. ¬†I know I do, my body certainly knows I do, but I smile through the pain and I give everything because I want the people I love, the people I care about, to not ever spend one millisecond feeling the way I have been made to feel my entire life.

It is easy to be angry. ¬†It’s easy to hate everyone and think everyone is hiding ulterior motives behind their smiles. ¬†It’s easy to play Scooby Doo and try and rip the mask off all the villains, but you know what? ¬†Not everyone wears a mask. ¬†And not all those who do are hiding malicious intent. ¬†Maybe they wear a happy mask to hide the pain and to keep the peace around them.

I have spent time and money and wasted too much of my happiness throwing it away on people who question my intent. ¬†It’s been a downward spiral since the ridiculousness ¬†my dad started almost 5 years ago. ¬†Cussing out my husband, telling him he has to control me and that I don’t do enough for them, then later telling people my husband didn’t care if my mother lived or died, all in the middle of her cancer battle. ¬†So sick, so disgusting. ¬†But that’s just how he is, my mom said. ¬†He can’t apologize, because that’s just not his way. ¬†Meanwhile, let’s all pretend he is a great guy, and it’s me and Abe who are the villains!

No one stood up for me. ¬†Not to this day. ¬†I have lost siblings and extended family, and of course my parents, and all on his narcissistic, abusive, bs. ¬†He successfully kicked my aunt out of the family, poisoning my mom with lies he would make up about her, buzzing in her ears, telling her made up crap, and he has done that to me. ¬†He is getting rid of everyone who doesn’t blindly¬†put up with his insanity, anyone who dares to speak up and stand up for themselves. ¬†He just doesn’t know what to do with that so he lies. ¬†He makes up reasons why they should be shunned and then he goes to work spreading the lies until even he doesn’t know the difference anymore.

My mom wants to believe that my dad and I should talk and fix everything, because I will regret it for the rest of my days if something happens to him while we are “on the outs”. ¬†Unfortunately, she is so blind, she doesn’t realize that there is nothing to fix because there was never anything there. ¬†Not once in my life did he tell me he loved me, or that he was proud of me, or that I was good at anything. ¬†He is the picture of abuse behind a phony mask, but people just think he is funny or kidding, etc. ¬†No. ¬†I know the truth. ¬†This sorry excuse for flesh is a monster. ¬†He talks about everyone behind their back. ¬†No one is safe. ¬†He is toxic, and I am happy to be done.

I recognize that he is the root of my sadness, my feeling of not being enough for anyone, but I also know that it’s not true.

Newsflash! ¬†I don’t suck!!

I love with all of my heart. ¬†My words are sincere, my intentions are pure, and all I want is sunshine and rainbows. ¬†And kittens and unicorns. ¬†And glitter and….well, you get the idea. ¬†I reject the negative, I reject the idea that I am not enough, that I have to give all of my time, love, money, etc to prove anything to anyone.

I am blissfully going into 2017 with my rose colored glasses locked and loaded. ¬†I am going to let my silly, fun, carefree self take over, and if it bothers anyone, they won’t be missed.

I am so incredibly lucky, I have my soul mate, my best friend in the whole entire world, the best husband, daddy, side kick, you name it. ¬†And my kids, holy crap, they rock! ¬†So smart, so kind, so funny! ¬†And we did that!! ¬†We made them awesome!! ¬†ūüôā ¬†Pretty cool, man.

We cheated death twice this past year, and like, hello, message received!

Cleaning the house today of cooties and leftover Christmas trash, etc, and it just feels right to go into the new year fresh and clean of all that stinks.  No more time for nonsense, we are busy being awesome.

Happier, drama free posts to come!  I will update the silliness when I feel like venting, but mostly I am happy to get back to sharing tips and tricks and crafts and even some of my crocheted creations!  So much awesome to look forward to!

Friends, go into this new year knowing that YOU are enough!!!! ¬†You are awesome and kind and people that make you feel bad don’t deserve your awesomeness. ¬†Really!! ¬†It’s that easy. ¬†Extended family got you down? ¬†They don’t deserve you, walk away. ¬†Too many activities you feel obligated to say yes to? ¬†Say ‘no thank you’¬†and walk away! ¬†It’s okay!! ¬†Life is too short to worry what ANYONE else thinks of you! ¬†Seriously! ¬†What a waste of time! ¬†Trust me, I know first hand! ¬†if they don’t recognize a pure heart when they see it, then it’s their loss. ¬†Who knows what pain they have been through that doesn’t allow them to believe in the good anymore. ¬†It’s sad, but it’s also not your battle. ¬†Just love and it will bounce back to you. ¬†Be kind, be good, and be open to receiving it back tenfold.

That’s all.

Love and best wishes for an amazing new year!  Until next time!

 

It can always be worse…..

Having a crappy day, where everything is going wrong, I feel like a failure, I am so crabby and so defeated I want to scream and then sob.

Took car in for safety check to renew plates, hit with a $1000 completely unforseen repair bill. ¬†Finally ready to renew the plates online, don’t have my property tax receipts, don’t even know if they still exist in our possession, or if they are forgotten ash from the house fire. ¬†Rushed to get daughter off to dance class over 30 minutes away, find out she does not have dance on Monday nights.

I can rattle off a thousand more reasons for my foul mood, and in the back of my mind, I can’t help but realize that things could certainly be worse, as the universe has proven to us more than once in the last several months.

Does that make me feel better?

The answer is no.  I still feel like screaming and crying and hiding under the covers until all the adulting is done and over with.

Being responsible blows, folks.

Back to School Times Four

emptynest

I knew it was coming, that I could not escape it.  It was inevitable, but it still took my breath away and has me typing this at one in the morning.

This year, our youngest baby starts kindergarten.  For the very first time, in the history of sending our babies off to their first day of school, I will be coming home alone.  No little hand in mine, walking home together, collecting leaves and planning our day.  No little voice singing along to the radio as we drive the older kids to school.  No kids shows as background noise.  No little shadow following me around the house.

Just me.  And the fur babies.

Every single last piece of my heart will be leaving me at home by myself all day.  Just the thought has me sobbing and in tears.

For over fourteen years, my life has been my children. ¬†I went on maternity leave with my eldest and once he was born, I never looked back. ¬†My entire day centered around my babies, it’s all I’ve known for so long, I feel lost knowing this chapter of my life is closing.

Sara still feels like a little baby to me, not ready to be sent away all day.  She still says words that take us several minutes, to her great frustration, for us to understand.  She just barely turned 5 a little over a month ago, and already, she has been stamped as ready for school and will be starting her journey outside of our home.  Away from me.

This all feels greatly rushed, especially not being in our own home, still living in a rental house as our place is in the process of being put back together from the fire.  I feel cheated out of our last summer.  I had so many plans, so many dreams of the perfect summer vacation with my babies before school started.  I allowed our circumstances to steal that away from us.  Shame on me.

Already, the hectic school year schedule has started, with dance and marching band kicking off earlier this month.  The days are flying by, I am running out of summer, and there is nothing I can do.

So I cry.  And I type at 1 in the morning, trying to make some sense of my sadness until my brain is too tired, too exhausted to think one more sad thing, and I finally drift off to sleep.

Tomorrow, I will hold my babies.  I will kiss their sweet, chubby, little baby hands, and I will cherish every last glorious minute I have with them before the school year steals them away from me.

I don’t know how moms survive this. ¬†It feels unbearable to me, watching my babies grow up so quickly right before my eyes.

We didn’t start the fire…..really!

flame-1345507_960_720

Been a while, friends!  Just as I left you with my idea of video blogging PCOS related content, I up and vanished.  I have a really good reason, I promise!  We had a house fire and have been out of our home since mid April.

It all started on laundry day, with my very last load of laundry.  The dryer had just buzzed about 15 minutes earlier when I noticed a burning smell.  I happened to look outside the master bathroom window and saw smoke coming from the dryer vent.

Immediately, I ran downstairs to investigate.  The first thing I did was unplug the machine.  I noticed a very small amount of smoke coming from the left side of the dryer (we have or should I say had, a stackable unit, to help you visualize) so I opened the dryer door, still full of freshly washed and dried clothes.  I pulled out the lint basket, and could see flames inside of the machine.  (Side note, I am super OCD about emptying the lint after every single load, always, and we had even recently taken apart the whole dryer and vent to vacuum every little bit of dust and debris!)

I ran and grabbed a cup of water, throwing it on the flames, which seemed to do absolutely nothing, meanwhile the smoke was filling the laundry room.

The power ended up going out, so I used my cell phone to dial 911 as I rushed to get the dogs outside and then ran out onto the porch with Sara while we waited for help.  It was pouring down rain, I was soaked, and completely freaked out.  We had no shoes on, my cats were still in the house, and by the time the fire trucks arrived, our house was billowing smoke.

I called Abe frantically after calling 911, telling him what was happening, and ultimately hanging up on him as I rushed around trying to figure out what I should be doing. ¬†When he later showed up, I was shocked, it hadn’t even crossed my mind that he would leave work, that’s how scrambled my brain was, trying to digest what was happening.

I hurt myself, running barefoot up a wet, grassy hill to secure the dogs for the firemen.  I heard and felt a big POP, and was suddenly in excruciating pain.  It turns out I tore my calf muscle, pretty badly, and was in an insane amount of pain for several weeks to follow.

The cats were rescued by the firemen, and Abe, who had to collect Brady and Katie.  Moriarty was all chill, and let the fireman carry him and bring him straight to me.

The fire broke the main water line, which the fire marshal says helped to put out the fire.  I knew we had a lot of damage, but I honestly expected to be back in the house within a week or two.  That is, until the contractor told us his estimate for finishing was 3-4 months.  *insert jaw dropping shock here*

The amount of things we lost is mind numbing. ¬†Nearly all of our clothing, I mean everything for everyone of us!! ¬†My craft room and Abe’s office were completely destroyed, nothing left. ¬†The vast majority of the kids toys, all completely gone, lost to the fire and water damage.

The playroom where we spent so much time, where we recently renovated with new flooring and built ins, completely destroyed.

Handmade gifts that took hundreds of hours to make, the kids artwork, photos, books, collectibles from childhood and little keepsake memories, all gone.

But you know what wasn’t gone? ¬†My family. ¬†My kids, my furbabies, even our aquarium full of fish!! ¬†We are all safe, and other than my torn calf muscle, all completely unharmed.

What a BLESSING!!!

Our friends, our neighbors and our amazing dance family took care of us when there was no one else there to help.  When I woke up in the hotel room, hearing one of my babies coughing and then began to cry because I had no medicine, nothing to give them, our dance family answered with cough drops and toys and clothes and toiletries.  I cannot count the tears of gratitude I have shed, being lifted up by all of our adopted family members, when we had no one to turn to and no answers.

Yes, we lost all of our “stuff”, but it turns out we were rich beyond measure and never even realized it.

We spent about 6 weeks in the hotel, before the insurance company found us temporary housing at a rental house near our home.  On the second night in the rental home, we found ourselves once again surrounded by firemen.

A carbon monoxide alarm starting going off, just as we were preparing to go to bed.  Thank goodness, because when the fire department came out, and the fire marshal assessed the home, he told us had we gone to bed that night, not knowing about the leak, we would have likely never woke up the next day.

Take a moment to digest that.

After walking away from a house fire unharmed and living in a hotel for 6 weeks, we nearly died from carbon monoxide poisoning.  All of us, the children, the dogs, the cats, we all could have died.

Well, if we weren’t insanely thankful to be alive before, we certainly were now!!!

Can you imagine?!

So back to the hotel we went, for about 4 days, while the water heater, which was the cause for the leak, was replaced.

Having endured so much, and roughing it with so little, we got a letter in the mail from our insurance company. ¬†What we had expected to be a reimbursement check, turned out to be a non-renewal notice. ¬†The insurance company decided not to renew our policy, right smack dab in the middle of a huge claim!! ¬†The house is demo’d and awaiting construction, and now we had to worry about finding coverage for our home that was unoccupied and destroyed. ¬†Let me tell you, it is not possible. ¬†The answer, is lender forced coverage which can cost 10 times as much for less coverage!

This is when I officially shut down and started having full blown panic/anxiety attacks. ¬†We’re talking, not able to sleep, constant fear and stress, worried we will lose our house! ¬†I started imagining having to rent a trailer, losing the perfect home that we loved and worked so hard for. ¬†It was extremely painful, and excruciatingly traumatic on top of everything else. ¬†Absolutely the straw that broke this camel’s back.

We immediately called our agent’s office, who was shocked that we got the letter in the first place. ¬†They vowed straight away to “rattle cages” and find us answers. ¬†This all sounded good, but weeks went by and time was running out. ¬†I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t leaving the house, I was super depressed beyond words.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, we got the amazing news that they were able to get our policy renewed…..for a higher premium and higher deductible. ¬†But still, the amount of amazing, sweet relief this gave us…….immeasurable.

So here we still sit, in the rental home, no construction started yet, grrrrr, waiting for some good news and very cautiously able to breathe again, hoping to have nothing but good news and happiness in our future.

We usually have big birthdays for our kids, something I absolutely love to do, but have not been able to do with the two kids who had birthdays since all this madness started.  And we are gearing up to have a third birthday away from home, along with starting the new school year.

I had really hoped we would be home by now, I miss our beautiful home, I miss our veggie garden and spending the days outside swimming or playing or just relaxing on our own furniture surrounded by our familiar things.

I hope we have big news on construction soon, and maybe the contractors will surprise us and finish ahead of schedule. ¬†I won’t nit pick and get into all the other problems we have had with various companies, etc during this experience, because in the end, it just doesn’t matter. ¬†What matters is family, and we are all still present and accounted for. ¬†We will embrace this adventure, and I’m sure we will speak about it often in the future.

In the meantime, hug your babies and furbabies and spouses, tell everyone you love that you love them, and just be happy.  Life is too short for misery, and you never know which day is your last.

Love and blessings!!  xoxoxoxo

Now you see me….maybe…

Seriously flirting with the idea of vlogging, adding another element to my blog here, and a new way to interact. ¬†I’m implementing a lot of big changes in my world right now, and as I’ve mentioned before, re educating myself on all things PCOS. ¬†I’m learning even more than I did before, 8 years ago, when I first dove into my research, and feel like it could be helpful to share what I find.

Speaking of 8 years ago……

So, it never fails to hit me this time of year, as the date approaches, and this year is no exception. ¬†Next week, on April 13, marks what would have been my third baby’s birth date/estimated due date. ¬†I was so stinkin’ excited to have a baby with diamonds as their birthstone!! ¬†Not to mention, we don’t have any April birthdays in the family yet! ¬†This year, I would be celebrating 8 blissful years, but the universe had another plan for me.

I lost my baby early on, and went spiraling down into my unexplained infertility battle, that I would eventually find out was caused by PCOS.

I am fighting PCOS to this very day, and have recently gotten so over it, I have decided to really do everything in my power to show this nasty condition who’s boss. ¬†(Spoiler alert: I’m the boss!! ¬†The power is in my hands, and yours too, if you are in my boat!)

I want a happy ending to my tear filled journey, and if I can give even a tiny glimmer of hope of help to someone who feels the same way, who is going through the same thing….well, then I feel like it’s my job to offer a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, or even just an ear to listen.

That’s why I have been seriously considering vlogging, since I feel like I can better emote to you and speak like your friend, rather than just type the words to try and convey what’s in my head and heart.

I’ll have to see what my tech guy says, because I am thinking of just hitting record, spilling my guts, then sharing the video. ¬†I get annoyed at the idea of editing anything or doing anything technical because, blah, it’s boring to me! ¬†I am not a patient girl, I just wanna talk. ¬†ūüôā

 

Caliente!

caliente

I have been gargling a hellish brew today, consisting of raw apple cider vinegar, honey, cayenne pepper, coconut oil and herbal tea, attempting a holistic approach to curing the strep throat my lovely baby has shared with me. ¬†Yes, it’s as yummy as it sounds! ¬†I’m also ingesting spoonfuls of raw garlic, a natural antibiotic, and continuing with probiotic supplements, trying to slowly rebuild and strengthen my immunity. ¬†The hippie in me refuses to give up, I will fight this the natural way, antibiotic and doctor free!!

I’m still fighting illness upon illness in a tired, old, vicious cycle. ¬†I do believe the end is near. ¬†Not my death, mind you, but of the never ending illness on top of illness. ¬†This is what I choose to believe anyway.

The days are getting warmer, the grass greener, and surely, surely better health is on my horizon!!

I’m scared of what the coming year brings, when we introduce another child to their first year of school, bringing home all of these horrid super cooties. ¬†By then, universe willing, I will have gotten a grip on things and my body will be better prepared to fight off said cooties.

I’m also reading up on PCOS, reacquainting myself with all of the technical terms and the inner workings of the beast. ¬†I am determined to rein it in this year, and to reclaim my fertility along with my health. ¬†I have eliminated big stressors in my life, and after a weekend of uncertainty, expecting big drama and only getting a small, passive aggressive gesture, I feel like I can breathe deep and be selfish, thinking of myself first and focusing on positive change.

Change is GOOD!!! ¬†(Well some change is good……Do you know Shemar Moore left Criminal Minds?! That change is NOT good and this baby girl is still heartbroken over that!)

My cousin has told me she sees a baby in my near future, my daughter has told me that her fairies see a baby in my near future, and just this past weekend, my aunt shared a tarot reading with me that seemed to hint at a baby in my near future.  These people are my heart and soul, and if even they feel the baby vibes, then surely the universe is in agreement!

So through the cruddy illnesses and crappy luck, I am continuing to see sunshine and rainbows.  I started some seeds today for our garden, and I am going to surround myself with love and happiness until it all finally sinks in and I see all of my dreams come true.

I hope this post finds you all in good health and smiles, and if not, know that I am wishing it for you.  Be happy and be well, my friends.

An Update

sick

I ended 2015 feeling super run down, my body was working against me to say the very least.  I spent so much time  being stressed and worried about situations out of my control that it spiraled several of my regular conditions into pure chaos.  My rosacea flared angrily, and my hormones were so out of whack, my PCOS symptoms were hugely aggravated.  In a nutshell, I was stressed to the max and my body was sending me every warning signal possible that something was very wrong.

Here we are, more than half way through February, and I feel like I still can’t seem to catch a break health wise.

I had accepted that I could not change the situations and people that were causing me stress, and made it a priority to focus on myself this year.  I started by doing a mental and physical detox which may or may not have helped to start a missing menstrual cycle that showed up nearly 6 months later that expected.

Let me tell you, this belated period was ridiculous beyond belief.  Heavy, full of huge clots, and lasting over three weeks.  I felt like I was literally bleeding to death, it was intense.  A few days into this miserable cycle, I came down with what I thought was a simple cold from the kids.

You know how it is, middle of winter, stuck inside, germs just seek you out. ¬†But this cold kicked my butt big time! ¬†The second week in, I completely lost my voice. ¬†This isn’t unusual, I almost always lose my voice with a particularly nasty cold. ¬†But then, it got worse. ¬†The cold moved to my chest and I came down with bronchitis. ¬†I was wheezing and coughing up grody gunk for weeks. ¬†In fact, I am still tapering off of the cough and finally stopped wheezing within the past week or so.

My ears became painfully clogged and I could not hear out of them, my stuffy nose turned into a nasty, brain pounding sinus infection, and I just felt absolutely miserable for weeks and weeks.  So many tissues, so much vapor rub, so much yuck.

And here I sit, the night before the very first dance competition of the season, and I have a fresh new case of pink eye. ¬†Yes. ¬†Super contagious, super grotesque, super ain’t nobody got time for this, pink eye.

pink eye

*le sigh*

It’s so ridiculous, I have to laugh or I’ll cry.

Yes, this will be the year of Angie!  Being sick and miserable with some ridiculous ailment for every single day of the year thus far!  Woo Hoo!!

Wah, wah, wah, whoa is me, I hear ya.

I absolutely refuse to let this define my year. ¬†Perhaps this is just getting all the crap out of the way for all the good that is coming my way? ¬†I won’t lie, in a meditative and raw kind of way, all of the bleeding and coughing up crap, etc was sort of like a physical, tangible proof of getting rid of all the toxic, bad energy from last year and a way of feeling the slate being wiped clean. ¬†I mean, yeah, why not see the silver lining, right?

meditation

I am determined to fix myself, little by little this year. ¬†Still working on fixing my annovulatory cycles to reclaim my fertility. ¬†Not much can make you feel like less than a woman than losing your ability to conceive. ¬†It sucks and it’s stupid and I am way over it. ¬†I have just recently started drinking Yogi’s Women’s Moon Cycle tea, which contains several herbs that are often used and that I am familiar with for regulating cycles. ¬†I am also taking Innositol, something that has promising results of PCOS issues, one of which happens to be ovulation.

In addition, I have been using sunflower oil for oil pulling, and taking a shot of raw apple cider vinegar with the mother every day for the health benefits.  By the way, if you research using raw apple cider vinegar with the mother and happen across any articles about vinegar eels, do not read about the critters.  They are harmless, but knowing they exist will induce major heebie jeebies.  Trust me on this, friends.

I will absolutely be updating with what, if anything helps with my PCOS symptoms.  Besides the supplements, I am also being more mindful, meditating, making fitness a priority, and taking a multi vitamin daily to fill in any gaps.  Right now, all I can tell you is that I have been sick or ailing with something every single day this year thus far and I am waaaaaay over it.

To happier, healthier days ahead, my friends!  Be well!

 

Ashes

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You were forced to murder me in loyalty to your keeper, and yet you still walk past my grave to enjoy my fruit. I can still see tiny glimmers of your life, under the robotic stare, but they are quickly stilled by your trance. I shiver from the bitter iciness that has become you, even these many years after my death. The grip he has, it’s terrifying. Why did you do this? Why let him win? I remember our bond, I cherish our memories, but they are fading along with my ashes. Sometimes when you pass my tomb, I don’t even recognize you. Do you see me? Do you recall what you did? Does it matter?

The gates are closing. Have you noticed that? On your last visit, you could barely squeeze through the thorn covered gate. The last blooms have died and rotted since then, and the gates are sealing shut. The fog has rolled in and with it a darkness that numbs my once warm and happy feelings for you.

It’s a funny contrast, seeing my beautiful fruit surrounded by all of this midnight cover. It intensifies their loveliness to me and whispers in my ear that nothing else matters. Not anymore. When I start to believe that, I see light. Not near the gates, those are sealed now and damaged beyond repair. It made me sad once, but I’m happy to have the ugliness locked out. My dust can swirl around my treasure, soaking up their glory and be rebuilt. New memories replace the bad, and as my mind and body become whole again, it is your ashes that take my place.

I promise to keep the thorns away from your tombstone. I will plant flowers there and tell stories of how you used to be, before you were strung up and forced to live life as the walking dead. Some days I will miss you and feel remorse, but mostly my wounds remind me why you are here, and I know it was your choice.

Teacher Gifts

Teacher gift 2

Can you believe that December is already here?!  Craziness!!  I like to get all the grunt work done as early in the month as possible, so I can try and enjoy the fun and traditions with the kiddos without worrying about last minute shopping, baking, etc.

Yesterday, between our water being turned off accidentally by the water company (new computer system apparently, but holyhell was that a major headache!!), a sick baby coughing her cute little head off, and our internet not working for most of the day…….I happened to hop online and quickly had my holiday spirit squashed like a bug.

I’m not sure exactly what I had searched, but I happened upon a blog with a list of items teachers really want for Christmas, along with a very long list of things they apparently hate getting for Christmas. ¬†Basically, it boiled down to giving them cash or gift cards because they hate anything teacher related, handmade, or simply bought out of the goodness of your heart. ¬†The post had soooooooo many comments from real teachers, agreeing with the list and groaning and moaning about all the tacky stuff they get each year.

Wow.

It got real ugly real quick, and the overwhelming vibe was how ungrateful the list and the people replying to it really were.

Now, valid points were made. ¬†I guess. ¬†Of course, the teacher won’t like every single lotion or candle or goodie that they receive. ¬†But shouldn’t they love the thought behind it?? ¬†The love and the intention of someone carving out precious time and money during the holiday season to show their appreciation??

If I were swimming in money, oh the gifts I would give!!! ¬†I would spoil every single person around me! ¬†Being without oodles of cash, I still make a point to try and show our love and appreciation to our loved ones and the amazing teachers we have in our lives. ¬†Isn’t that enough? ¬†Shouldn’t the recipient of any gift at all just be grateful that you thought of them and made sure to include them?

This one little post soured my mood and filled me with more bah humbug than I care to admit. ¬†Of course, I want to believe that we are the exception, and that anything we ever give is greatly received and appreciated, but now I am filled with doubt. ¬†One thing this girl can’t stand to be is unappreciated.

Blah!

For the most part, each year, we give a gift to the main teacher, and then I have my kids make hand drawn cards for all the extra awesome people they encounter daily, like the special area teachers, the lunch ladies, the bus driver, janitor, school nurse, everyone we can think of that is a part of making each day awesome.  Along with the homemade cards, we usually attach a piece of candy or something of the like.

The response from all of the usually forgotten people has always been amazing, and we will continue that tradition for sure. ¬†But I find myself on the fence now with the teacher gift because, well, I want to be appreciated for appreciating! ¬†Is that so crazy? ¬†I have four kids who are all very busy with school, scouting, dance, band, etc. ¬†For me to carve precious time and money from our already overstretched schedule and pocketbook is a big deal to us. ¬†I want to give a gift that is appreciated and makes the teacher feel loved and cherished. ¬†I don’t want to imagine them rolling their eyes and throwing our gift in a pile of perceived crappy gifts.

I guess really, I will give them whatever the heck I want to, try and forget that crappy blog post I read, and just hope that the people in our lives are not as ungrateful and awful as the people that felt the need to trash the things they get for Christmas each year. ¬†It’s hard to feel sorry for people who are showered with gifts, whether they are up to their snooty standards or not.

I choose to believe that we put good thought and intentions with our gift giving, and if the people want to be jerks about it, so long as I don’t hear about it, I don’t care! ¬†Pffffffffft!!!

I guess I should get off this soap box before it splinters…….

Last thought, and something I am constantly saying to my kids since they were teeny tiny:

You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.

Rant over. ¬†ūüôā