Today, the kids went back to school. They were up bright and early and feeling extra excited to start a brand new school year. This year, Bella is in first grade and Matthew is in fifth grade. This is the last year that they will go to the same school together. Well, until they are enrolled in med school together, but I digress.
They were dressed and fed and I even snapped some photos before heading to the bus stop.
I assure you she is happy here. The sun was in her eyes, and with the dramatic flair just oozing out of her, she had to squint and make these funky faces no matter how many times I threatened to show her friends how silly she looked. Oh well. Are you looking at how badly our yard needs weeding and cutting? Stop that! Just look at the cute babies! Sheesh!
Matthew managed to smile without the horrible squinting and whining his sister did. Thank you, Matt. You are the awesome kid today. You know who is not the awesome kid today? Dare I say, the most un awesome kid? That title belongs to Noah. Let me explain.
So, it was time for the bus stop, which is literally right outside our door. Noah and Sara were happily watching the Wiggles and Noah did not want to put pants on to come outside with us. Fine. Deciding not to fight with a two year old, I decided he would be fine, sitting down and watching his movie for the all of five minutes that I would be outside with the older kids.
Come on, Angie. You know better. *sigh* I had a fleeting moment when I said to myself that I just should have dragged him outside with me, but I decided he would be fine. Never trust a two year old to be unsupervised. Not even for five minutes.
I’ll warn you. Things are about to get ugly here. We’re talking major gross out nastiness. You can stop reading right now and just imagine what ridiculous thing my kid did. I wish I could do that. Really. Read on if you have a stomach of steel or just a morbid curiosity. Don’t say I didn’t warn you though.
Wow. Let me start by saying, some mamas would never admit what I am about to admit to you. That makes me awesome for being honest and sharing the nitty gritty, right? Or maybe it just shows how stupid I am.
So I walk into the house, like I said, after only five minutes outside with the kids. I am immediately hit with a terrible smell. My first though is the dog. Poor dogs. Always getting blamed for bad smells. I did a quick survey of the kitchen and living room, not seeing any evidence of dog poo. Good start. Now, my mind goes to Noah. He is currently potty training and was wearing regular underwear when I left. At worst, I figured he may have had an accident.
That’s not the worst. That doesn’t touch the worst with a 110 foot pole. As I walked down the hallway, noticing the eerie quiet, I suddenly got a bad feeling. I quickly opened the door and gasped. I mean full on, GASPED.
Right here I could insert a photo of what I saw, because you can bet your butt I took pictures as proof to Abe of what my day was like. I decided not to do that though. The gross out factor was way too high. I mean, seriously. I’m brave, but I love you guys, I wouldn’t do that to you. So let me paint you a picture here.
I open the door to see Sara sitting in her bouncy chair, Noah standing right next to her, both of them, completely and totally covered head to toe in poop. Noah poop.
We’re talking on the face, schmeared in hair, all over the bouncy chair, insane. They were holding balls of poop in their hands. Noah’s poop.
I think I said “Oh my God!” about a hundred times. That’s all I could say. I didn’t even know where to start, it was just, it was just……oh my God!
I did take one picture to share with you. It doesn’t have the kids in it, but it is gross and poopilicious. Just to give you an idea. Fair warning, don’t scroll down if you don’t want to see it.
It’s pretty disgusting.
Still with me?
So that bouncy chair? Well, it had these adorable little animals hanging from a bar for the baby to play with. They were so ridiculously encrusted with poo, I decided to cut them off and trash them. Here is a photo of one of the toys, the foamy bit is from spray bleach before I decided to just trash them.
Are you beginning to comprehend the situation? My stupidity? My literally crappy day?
Oh my word, what a mess!!!!
I had to soak the babies in the tub to get them clean, meanwhile, bleach the heck out of everything poo smeared. Big load of laundry, lots of bleach, a whole heck of a lot of “Oh my God!” There were poopy handprints everywhere. I had to wash Noah’s brand new SpongeBob backpack we got him for dance class because it was covered in poo. Everything, oh my word, just wow.
It was my fault. I’m an idiot. I shouldn’t have left him, I should have dragged him to the bus stop kicking and screaming. It would have been annoying, but there would have been a lot less poop.
Have I said poop enough times in this post? Ugh. I sincerely hope your day is going so much better than mine. And please, let my stupidity be a lesson to you. Never trust a two year old. Especially one that is potty training. Poo is bound to happen, and when it does, may the force be with you, mami!