As we are in the process of *hopefully* buying a house, I am finding myself undernourished in the department of motherly love. I expected my mom to be one of our biggest cheerleaders, someone who I could excitedly ramble on to about how amazingly new and awesome all of this is. I don’t have that. Not at all.
My mom doesn’t even ask me about the house we are interested in. She brings up homes closer to her, but I feel my excitement drain away every time I talk to her, almost like a black hole for happiness.
Now, I will admit, right now, we only live about 2 minutes away from my parents house. Very convenient for frequent visits, which she does. We are hoping to move about 15 minutes away, hardly a huge distance, and certainly no reason to be completely unsupportive.
I decided to try and extend an olive branch yesterday, knowing that things have been tense since the silly argument with my dad last Mother’s Day. My dad is a union carpenter and has specifically studied both online and through books, how to perform home inspections, planning for when we would be buying our new house. My intent was to ask if he would like to come look at the house when we have the inspector come out, giving a chance to kind of glaze over what had happened in the past and attempt to move on.
To clarify, I wasn’t asking this to “get anything” out of it. Yes, my dad is a carpenter and can do amazing work around the house, etc, but my only goal was to break the ice. I have no interest in having him work on my house in any way. I only tried to make things less uncomfortable for everyone.
So I mentioned to my mom yesterday the idea of having him come look at the house. She had a completely blank look on her face when she shrugged her shoulders and said, “I don’t know.” Now, it wasn’t just an “I don’t know”, nothing can be that simple with my mother. It was dripping with drama, eluding to us needing to beg for forgiveness, like she felt she suddenly had the upper hand. That sounds crazy to say, but you don’t know my crazy family.
I instantly regretted my white flag and wanted to rip it off the field.
“He said he would like to look at it online though, so you can tell me how to do that since I don’t know how.”
I held back my frustrated sigh and changed the subject. I won’t lie, it stung. It was the salt in an already gaping wound from a week of my mom not showing an interest in our home search. I vented to Abe, who didn’t seem surprised at all. He is the pessimist, always assuming the worst of people and therefore never getting disappointed. I envy that. I see sunshine and rainbows in nearly every situation, giving people who don’t deserve it the benefit of the doubt. Until they give me reason not to. I think I have my reasons now.
It is very disappointing that I can’t count on my mom for the support that I need right now. I was looking forward to showing off our new home, our projects, our accomplishments. Luckily, I have amazing friends that have shown my far more love and support, even just in casual passing.
Chapter closed? I think this book needs to be donated. I keep picking it up and expecting a different story, forgetting that the characters never change.