I’m alive!!

Yes Drama

Yes Drama (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The house hunt is still very much on, and we are still smack dab in the middle of it.  I’ll admit, I wish we were further along in the process, especially since we should have been closing on the first house this week!  Boo!  But you know what?  Losing that house was a blessing in disguise.  We were so eager to get a home, in retrospect, I can clearly see that we were settling too much with that house.  And honestly, even if it were perfect, it is in a flood plane, and mama doesn’t need that worry!

Last year on Mother’s Day, I ruined my mother’s life by not reading her mind.  Oy.  This Mother’s Day was spent at home, just spending time with my family, soaking up the sunshine and fresh air.  In the year since all the silly drama, things have drastically changed between me and my parents.  We don’t see my dad at all.  The last time I saw him was on Halloween, because we stopped by to show off costumes to my mom, and to visit with my cousin and her little family.  I haven’t been back since, and as uncomfortable as it was, as it continues to be, I know that we won’t go there again.

I have never had a good relationship with my dad.  He is mean.  Honestly.  He is a bully, he is unreasonable, and he is just a nasty person.  My entire childhood was filled with memories of going into my mom’s room to find her crying because of some nasty thing my dad did or said to her.  He never beat her, but he was/is very emotionally abusive.  She has the attitude that he is the boss and whatever he says goes.  It’s sickening.  When we were little and heard my dad pulling into the driveway, all three of us kids would literally run and hide.  When Abe comes home, all my babies squeal with joy and run to the door to see him.  Hmmmm….

Not seeing my dad has been freeing and happy for me.  I have the relationship with him now that I always assumed I would.  Completely non-existent .  I was never comfortable around him, with the false persona that he projects to people.  I know who and what he is.  The problem is my mom.  She takes the role of martyr very seriously, and has used this whole situation to throw drama into absolutely every tiny little aspect of my life.  It is exhausting.

I am finding myself wanting to move far, far away.  To disconnect from everything and just take time to breathe and to enjoy my life, my babies, my husband, completely drama free.  If it was feasible to move out of state, I would do it in a heart beat.  I should feel guilty saying that I guess, but I don’t.

There is a small handful of people in my life that I truly enjoy.  Friends and a tiny fraction of family that are honest and true and just a joy to have in my life.  Maybe I am turning into a crabby old lady, but when drama is involved, I’m just done.  I don’t want it, don’t need it and won’t be subjected to it.

We have big, wonderful things in our near future!  Things that most certainly do not deserve to be over shadowed by silliness.  We are looking at some new houses this week, and new ones keep popping up, so I’m sure we’ll find the right one soon.

I have a fun post to share soon about a raccoon family that came to visit us!  Goodness, that was an adventure!  Stay tuned!  🙂