Merry Christmas!

I can’t believe that already, in the blink of an eye, another Christmas is here, and quickly slipping through my fingers, soon to become a dreamy memory.

Next year at this time, we will have three babies in three different schools!  Not to mention homeschool pre-school lessons for Sara, before she starts school the following year.  I’m not ready for this!!

This year has not been kind to us.  It seems like we never really got back on our feet, every time we thought we were finally a step ahead, we would get knocked ten back.  It was rough.  I won’t lie, I suffered severe anxiety and depression this year, worried about putting groceries on the table at times, balancing bills and emergencies like car repairs and hospital bills.  We quickly realized we had bitten off more than we could chew and are still struggling for solutions, though I am praying that there is an end in sight.

I had planned a magical birthday party for Isabella, that had to get cancelled and completely revamped.  I had hoped to get her the American Girl doll of the year, Isabelle, the blonde haired, pink streak, ballerina!!  If ever there was a doll made just for my Bella, it was Isabelle!!  I planned on taking her to the American Girl store and getting her the doll then having a birthday lunch at the cafe.  I planned on it, but then life laughed and we improvised.  Reservations got cancelled, party was greatly downsized to a home made cake and inexpensive gifts, and as sad as I was, she was completely unphased.  She gushed over her simple cake and gifts and reminded me how lucky we are to just have each other.  (She did finally get the Isabelle doll for Christmas, thanks to her amazing daddy donating plasma and literally spending blood money to buy the silly thing!  A story for another day!)

Thinking we would just be able to scrape by and start getting back on our feet, we were then suddenly hit with a major health problem with Desi.  He had an abdominal obstruction which required hospitilization, fluids, several x rays, antibiotics, and oh yeah, a massive hospital bill.  This was the straw that broke the camel’s back.  Obviously, Desi is family and takes priority over non necessity bills.  Unfortunately, bill collectors like to get paid, and hassle the crap out of you if you can’t make their payments.  Yeah, so, multiply that anxiety by a thousand…..

As this year is quickly ending, the smell and promise of a fresh new start is intoxicating.  I have so many hopes and dreams for this new year, starting with conquering my severe anxiety and depression.  I know I am strong and powerful and capable of great things.  I have the ability to turn things around, see only the good in all situations, and to take that good and run with it.  I can’t and won’t let silliness interfere with what matters, and that, my friends, is exciting!

I hope that 2014 was far kinder to you than it was to me.  But if you had a rough go of it these past twelve months, then I hope that you have an amazing, life changing, happy and empowering 2015!!  Let’s make this our year!!  We are powerful and we can and will achieve greatness!  Kiss the negativity goodbye and inhale the promise of a new beginning!

This motivational message was brought to you by the self reflecting power of another Christmas come and gone far too fast!  Breathe it in, devour the moment, and live for your happiness.  Be happy and know that no matter what, you are loved.  <3

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