Back To School!

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This year, my little Noey Bean starts kindergarten, and it is ripping out my heart!!  I’m not ready to send him out into the world, he is still so sweet and innocent and happy, it is terrifying me that it could be stolen from him.

We have three kids in three different schools this year, and next year, all four kids will be in school.  Excuse me while I cry my eyes out….

This summer blew by so quickly, but then, isn’t that always the case?  I had some really rough patches myself.  PCOS is really kicking my ass right now.  With all the other lovely problems PCOS brings with it, one of the very rarely spoken of ones is depression and anxiety.  Having been prone to it already, when it struck me by surprise this summer, it really scared me how severely it affected me.

In all of my years of having occasional bouts of depression, never have I been to the point of feeling so helpless that I wanted to die.  Until this summer.

It’s so ridiculous, but it’s not.  No one can ever understand the feeling, the loneliness, the immense, and debilitating pain, unless they themselves have been so lost and down that they thought the kindest thing they could do for those around them is to leave this world.

I’ll admit, even having been experienced with feeling down and depressed, I always looked at suicidal people as being crazy and selfish.  There is nothing farther from the truth.

So I spent a week or so of being so low, of Google urging me to seek help from suicide lines, isolating myself even further, until somehow, I found the strength to decide that I wasn’t going to succumb to this darkness.  Oh, and I got a kitten.  :3

Something about a little ball of loving fur, well, it is a powerful medicine.  When everything else failed me, friends, family, the fairytale known as the bible, somehow, reaching out and rescuing another lonely being, ended up rescuing me.

In just a few short days, all but one of the kids will be off at school, thus ending another chapter of our lives.  I am hoping to spend absolutely every waking moment I can soaking up my time with Sara before she starts school next year.

On the PCOS front, I hope to start journaling a bit of my journey here.  Right now, as I quickly approach 36 years of adventures, I am being deafened by the ticking of my biological clock.  Seeing all by babies going off to school isn’t helping, and over a year of trying to conceive with no luck is a massive thorn in my side.

Stay tuned for more on that!

To all the mamas and papas sending their precious babies off to school this year, stay strong!!  They will come home to you with an entire day’s worth of adventures to share with you!!

2 thoughts on “Back To School!

  1. This has been a rough year for emotions. Everyone I know has had to deal with some kind of raw pain inside, even if it’s just the past and they’ve not dealt with it until now. I’ve felt similarly to what you described, even to the point of suicidal twice. I don’t know what to say about that because nothing helped for me, I’ve got no useful advice. Most people just think we’re overreacting when we do reach out😦

    You were brought to a cute kitty and we had a cute horribly-under-cared-for puppy follow us home. I love that!!

    Distancing myself from people that make those sad and defeated feelings worse has helped, I know you’ve done the same too.

    I think you are absolutely awesome! I brag on you to anyone that will listen. You’re the best mom and you do SO much to make sure your kids have every opportunity for happiness, I love you to death! It breaks my heart to know you’ve been so down😦

    I wouldn’t give it a ton of credit, but my tarot cards say you’ll get pregnant with a boy next July. They’ve been right enough that I thought I’d share. Everyone needs a little hope, even if it’s just mystically stuff that does it. I love you ❤️

    • You had me in tears with your amazingly sweet words, and when I read the last paragraph, I was just sobbing like a baby. I will take that little bit of hope and clutch it close to my heart. You have no idea how much that gesture has lifted me. Thank you seems utterly inadequate!! ❤

      I have to share with you, that I don't think there is another soul on this planet that truly and honestly understands me like you do. You have a magical way of saying just the right things at just the right times…..you have picked me up more times than I can count.

      Please know, I love you and am blown away by your amazing kindness, generosity, witty humor, and loving way. You are such an amazing mama to your sweet girls, and I cherish having you in my life!! I am always here for you, and I know you have had a really rough time lately. I didn't even connect the furbabies coming into our lives when they did, but wow!! It's amazing how much a little fur ball can enhance and multiply happiness!!

      I love you to pieces, and I appreciate you so much for taking the time to write this message to me. It absolutely means the world to me!! ❤

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